Cherish every moment, smile every day and laugh like there is no tomorrow.

Happy Heart Day and with Love,

Mattie

Please don’t ask me when I am returning to Teletus, I can’t answer that. I don’t see the future of the RP.

Please stop asking me to break my no rules limits because you want me home for your own reasons

Please stop asking for clues when all you do is sit on your ass in your house and don’t get up and walk it yourself.

Please just let me go where I need to, how I need and for however long it takes.

And becuase you are not “amused” or think it’s “appropriate” doesn’t give you the right to end my RP

So I stepped off of Gor last night and met the cutest creature in an oriental sim. A cute little panda found me and took me around showing me shops. I’ll post pics later. Was a nice change of pace.

Friday song lyrics; I love the muci interlude when it slows down.

She’s freaky and she knows it She’s freaky and I like it Listen She grabs the yellow bottle She likes the way it hits her lips She gets to the bottom It sends her on a trip so right She might be goin’ home with me tonight She looks like a model Except she’s got a little more ass Don’t even bother Unless you’ve got that thing she likes I hope she’s goin’ home with me tonight Those flashing lights come from everywhere The way they hit her I just stop and stare She’s got me love stoned Man I swear she’s bad and she knows I think that she knows She’s freaky and she knows it She’s freaky, but I like it She shuts the room down The way she walks and causes a fuss The baddest in town She’s flawless like some uncut ice I hope she’s goin’ home with me tonight And all she wants is to dance That’s why you’ll find her on the floor But you don’t have a chance Unless you move the way that she likes That’s why she’s goin’ home with me tonight Those flashing lights come from everywhere The way they hit her I just stop and stare She’s got me love stoned Man I swear she’s bad and she knows I think that she knows Those flashing lights seem to cause a flare The way they hit her I just stop and glare She’s got me love stoned from everywhere She’s bad and she knows I think that she knows Now dance Get it girl You’re freaky, but I like it Hot damn! Let me put my funk on the guitar one time And now I walk around without a care She’s got me hooked It just ain’t fair, but I’ I’m love stoned and I could swear That she knows Think that she knows, oh, oh She knows, she knows, oh, oh – Justin Timberlake

I hate that it’s never a sure thing

I hate that on any given day, mood, sneeze, or whatever, it could all shatter

I hate that I feel like my wit, my class, my charm is gone

I hate that someone thinks it’s not

I hate that one innocent look on another will probably get me into a fight verbally or physically (and I probably won’t win)

I hate that I have to bare all figuratively and literally

I hate that I can be upset, angry, defeated and raw and no one comes running to comfort

I hate that I’m laughed at when I throw a tantrum (I know, ‘don’t throw one’)

I hate that I can’t drink ka la na when I want

I hate feeling lost, yet completely found

I hate being free

I hate being confined

I hate that I can’t pick up those that are down so far away

I hate that I can’t see the changes occurring

I hate being pushed and prodded and made to react

I hate learning new things

I hate being stale and dull

I hate feeling abandoned

I hate that some feel I abandoned them

I hate being infatuated

I hate being obsessed over and possessed

I hate having no choice

I hate knowing that I have all the choice in the world

I hate that I lived for so many

I hate that I am learning to live for only one

Gawd, I love this! J

Funny how a small mis-communication (or in this case, misread) turns into a tantrum of flying objects and screams, and the only thing the other person does is just laugh at Mattie as he casually mentions something about a curvacious bosk.  To get even, Mattie purchased a bosk calf and promptly named the beast ”Stephy.” (dies laughing thinking about the scene).

So, Stephy, I know you are away right now, but just know I am thinking of you and am awaiting your full return to RP, at which time I will promptly hide for the rest of Mattie’s life in fear of the torment you’re going to wreak on me for naming the beast after you. In the meantime, the bosk is being well cared for.

Mattie’s been always been alone surrounded by everything she could want. Her two beautiful kids, an Isle full of people she called family. They made her smile, they made her cry, laugh, scream, weep, panic and love. But she never was filled, full or whole.

My favorite part of this song is towards the end when the guitar player turns on his vocals. He’s always been right there, playing along side her, watching her, caring for her, supporting her…and then he swoops in and answers her questions.

Her questions to all these and so much more is in one place. Whether she’ll answer right out now or not, but after last night, she felt that it is there

Is it the face of a child
Is it the thrill of danger
Is it the kidness we see in the eyes of a stranger
Is is more than faith
Is is more than hope
Is is waiting for us at the end of our rope

Is it the first summer storm
Is it the colors of fall
Is it having so little
And yet having it all
Is it one in a million
Is it a change to belong
Is it standing right here singing this song

Is it a veil or a cross
Is it the poet’s gift
Is it the face that has launched over thousands of ships

Is it making you laugh
Is it letting you cry
Is it where we believe that we go when we die
Is it how you were made
Is it your mother’s ghost
Is it the wish that I’m wishing for you life, for your life, for your life the most

I feel like it’s almost time to unwrap this treasure, this gift, but I know no matter what is posted, the full picture, the complete feeling won’t be “seen” because so much just happened without happening. But this is Mattie’s story, some will understand, some won’t.

A dear friend of mine has a saying when she finishes a letter to her family, I am borrowing it now:

Walk in a way of beauty.  

She wants her nails painted black
She wants the toy in the crackerjack
She wants to ride the bull at the rodeo

She wants to wear my shirt to bed
She wants to make every stray a pet
N’ Drive around in my truck with no place to go

But she needs to feel that fire
The one that lets her know for sure
She’s everything I want and more
Her real desire, Is to know I’d walk alone out on the wire
To make her feel that fire

She wants a cabin in the woods
She wants to stand where nobody stood
And someday she wants a couple kids of her own

She wants to make love on a train
And some days she only wants a break
Hey but she wants what she wants, but man I know I know I know

She needs to feel that fire
The one that lets her know for sure
She’s everything I want and more
Her real desire, Is to know I’d walk alone out on the wire
To make her feel that fire
Yeah, feel that fire

So as long as there’s a breath to take
A smile to share, a prayer to pray
A chance to hold her hand to fan the flame

She’s gonna feel that fire
The one that lets her know for sure
She’s everything I want and more
Her real desire, Is to know I’d walk alone out on the wire
Yeah, to make her feel that fire
Ohh feel that fire
She wants her nails painted black

She wants the toy in the crackerjack
She wants to ride the bull at the rodeo

- Dierks Bentley

How is that you can meet people you’d never have met in your own reality and find commonalities, similar interests, passions, and the opportunity to enhance another’s life?

How is it you can RP in a virtual world and actual build a “family”? Share the joys, the sorrows, the disappointments and the successes?

And mostly, how can pixels make you feel something? Is it that we pour so much of ourselves into our avi’s that we can’t help but “feel” the moment, be it shedding tears, laughing, snorting and sometimes at the end of the day, satisfaction? Is it real or is it just human?

I consider myself “retired” since being laid off almost 2 months ago. It’s really quite amusing when I mention I am retired to people who don’t know my situation. 26, young female, out of college not even 5 years…retired? HA! It’s fun until you tell them the story and then it turns into a depressing conversation about economics and more sob stories about everyone and their brother. I could go on for hours, but won’t. The past week or so has been slow in opportunities and networking, or maybe I am just burned out….or maybe I just miss the ski slopes that I’ve skied at least every week for the past 6 weeks and am bummed to be missing this weekend.

To add to this, I actually have motivation today, serious motivation (my brain is not a 9-5’er nor is it a Mon – Fri, it works when it works) I some how have lost my car key. I am not at my house. The spare is at my house, 45 minutes away. Now, I have been a very good girl and have decreased my consumption of Starbucks, but this morning I had to have it…but no key to be found. So I am sitting here, trying to focus on RP, RL freelance projects and waiting for the return of my key (betcha it’s in the other car which is not at the house I am in!).

Anywho, another song to throw at you…not related to any recent RP, just a great sultry latin melody to get the hips a shaken’ as I move about getting things done, waiting on my car key. Just consider the “baby” my “car keys”

Esperando – Santana

Waiting… for my baby
Waiting… for my baby

I’m on the pier, I’m waiting for my baby
I’d like to see her and I don’t mean maybe
She goes by the name, the name Marcella
Y mira, mira como mueve la cadera
Cadera pa mi es como caramelo
Ay caramelo, caramelo, caramelo

Waiting… estoy esperando pr Marcella… for my baby
Marcella mi vida
Waiting… for my baby

After all this time I’m finally with Marcella
I want to marry, but I don’t know how to tell her
Marcella and I, we go to the cabana
We bibbi di bop and bibbi di bop and boppin to Santana
Santana pa mi, Santana pa mi
Pero que rico, que rico Santana

Waiting… Ay Marcella mi vida… for my baby
Estoy esperando pr Marcella
Waiting… for my baby
Pero que rico Santana

En Espanol
Yo estoy esperando a mi novia como un mango
En Espanol
Ahora viene mi Marcella huarachando
En Espanol
Me estuvo esperando el todo dia
En Espanol
En el sol ay mama mia

Doe-you… goe yoe yoe yoe
Goe-yoe… goe yoe yoe yoe

Waiting… for my baby

PS: I usually don’t write in such a loose or semiconscious fashion, it just suits me today.

When does cruelty and hate turn into something so beautiful?